I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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