The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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