One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
