The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
did i walk over a car last night?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
