We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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