I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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