There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
