you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
