Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Brb crying the tears of my youth
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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