Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
