i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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