My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
