Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
