The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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