What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
