Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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