i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
