The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
