What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
