dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
