I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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