"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
