Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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