Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.