I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
29 Unspoken Rules Of “Bro Code”
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
