Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
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He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright