He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
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weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
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I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome