I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
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you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
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Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.