it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.