You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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