You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
