So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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