I'm going to jail i love you
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
