if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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