please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
