that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
