My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
