Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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