Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
