The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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