glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
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I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
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I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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