hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
