I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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