Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
