i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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