Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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