My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
