So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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