I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
