Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
