He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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