Don't make out with my wife yet
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
