Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
