i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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