I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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