she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
