the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
