Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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