when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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