um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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