God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The air was thick with penises
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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