no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Randomize
