Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
