ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
