oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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