He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
