There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
