Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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