The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
