Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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