Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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