So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
