wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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